Tingin
‘Di pinapansin, ingay sa tabi / Magulong kapaligiran / Sa’yo lang ang tingin
I was never really certain about love. Though I believed in it, practically worshipping it as if it was the only religion that could have my knees meet the ground — there was still this lingering, heavy, and unsettling doubt in my heart. It was beating, but it was afraid of skipping. It was most often loud, and it was uncomfortable to be silent when you were around. Love was the first thing I would dream of, yet the last thing I’d want to unravel me.
So it came off as a surprise, a quiet one at that, when you made my head turn twice. Once because you caught my eyes, and twice because my heart felt familiarity. An odd intimacy of something that hasn’t even happened yet; an odd intimacy from someone who didn’t even know my name.
Despite the world that seemed uncaring to the ache in my chest, an aching so close to me, my eyes knew what they were looking for. Despite the severed trust reminding me of what had happened in the past, which I was unlikely to ignore, yet I did anyway. With no regrets.
It was when I realized that amidst this seemingly overcrowded place, you were far from ordinary. Nothing was ordinary about you. Not your curly hair, not the universe resting on your face, and not the way your palms find refuge in the shape of my waist. I have never felt ordinary with you.
Para sa mga araw na paulit ulit mo akong pinili, kahit na ako mismo ay nahihirapang piliin ang sarili ko, nagagawa mong mabasa ‘yung mga bagay na hindi ko kailanman nasasabi sa iba. Sa gitna ng mga lugar na kung saan wala na akong marinig, sa lugar na kung saan hindi ko kakayaning makakita dahil sa mga malabo kong mata, hindi ko alam kung papaano — ngunit nahahanap pa rin kita na para bang alam ko nang nandoon ka kahit hindi pa kita nakikita.
Matagal ko nang inaalay ang kantang ito para sa’yo, dahil sa bilyon bilyong tao sa mundo, ikaw lang ang tanging tanawin na pipiliin kong tignan. Kahit gaano pa kadilim, kaingay, kalayo, at karami ang tao sa isang lugar — parating nasa iyo ang aking tingin.
Mahal, minamahal, at mahahalin. Pinili, pinipili, at pipiliin. Nahanap, hinahanap, at hahanapin. Tinignan, tinitignan, at palaging titignan.
Ikaw palagi sa gitna man ng maraming tao, sa gitna man ng basang daanan, at sa gitna man ng gumuguhong mundo.
Sa mga araw na iniisip mong walang kasiguraduhan sa mundong ito, hayaan mong magsilbi akong patunay na may mananatili sa’yo.
